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The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help, by Palmer, Amanda Brené Brown
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About the Author
Amanda Palmer rose to fame as the lead singer, pianist, and lyricist for the acclaimed band The Dresden Dolls, and performs as a solo artist as well as collaborating with artists including Jonathan Richman and her husband, author Neil Gaiman.
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Product details
Paperback: 352 pages
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing; Reprint edition (October 20, 2015)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9781455581092
ISBN-13: 978-1455581092
ASIN: 1455581097
Product Dimensions:
5.2 x 0.9 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
503 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#34,436 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
The beginning of this book was so interesting. I loved the stories of her busking on the street, meeting interesting people (including Neil Gaiman) and getting started with her band. Amanda has a great writing voice and the message really hit home for me since I have a hard time asking for help. I think this is something that is not talked about enough--that most people actually LIKE being asked for advice, and don't mind doing favors if they are asked nicely and thanked properly.However, since this was the point of the book, she gave example after example of it. She asks people for places to stay when she's on tour, asks fans for lyric ideas on Twitter, asks people to play with her band for free during shows, asks fans to fund her next album. And I get it--if you don't like that she does that, all you need to do is not give her money.However, it got OLD. She asked for this thing, and got it, and didn't that work out great? Same with this other thing! She also asked people for that, and they delivered! Wonderful! And then, this other thing, she wasn't sure if she should ask, but then she did, and...guess what?You get the picture.Surely there were times when she was asked for favors as well, and was happy to give them? I'm hoping this was the case and she just didn't want to brag too much. Because it comes off a little selfish to hear about all these times of people helping her and very few instances of her helping back.If you are a huge fan of AP and would like to know every detail about her career, then by all means, this book is for you. I enjoy her music but I was far more interested in reading a memoir about an interesting life. And after the first half, I just could not find her life that interesting.
This book was recommended to me as a primer on asking. Being okay with receiving help. How Amanda Palmer has taken that to such a high level is enlightening, although I still can't decide if she's brave and smart or naive and innocent.What an interesting book on many levels. On one, it's the coming-of-age memoir of an odd, bright kid. On another, the struggle of a performer/musician from barely feeding herself to international fame (and deciding to reject the traditional recording label to return to indie--that was fascinating.) On another, it's the memoir of a woman who has developed the ability to ask for and receive help, and yet one of the greatest challenges of her life is to allow herself to accept monetary help from her wealthy husband. On another, it's a businesswoman's depiction of how to build and grow a business, and her version of that her fans are really her partners. She's so involved with them I don't see how a person could really have a family at that pace, and I think she's okay with that.Palmer alternates introspection and musing about life's lessons with anecdotes about her life. The book is well-paced, fascinating, interesting, dramatic, funny, horrifying. I shed tears more than once. My takeaway/bit of life learning from the book: the act of receiving is an art, a life skill. So many of us are ashamed to receive, when in fact it's an act of love to receive well. It's not easy. We feel unworthy or guilty or obligated when we receive, but that's a waste of grace. I'm going to work on that. I enjoyed the book immensely.
I professionally beg. That is, I'm an artist. I beg people to share my art with others, and I beg people to enjoy my art with me. Amanda Palmer and i have parallel lives. While she was nervous about marrying a well-known writer, and accepting financial help from him, I was married to a well-known musician and learning to accept help from him. My now ex is still famous and living in Las Vegas, so I didn't quite work it out as well as she and Neil have. However, I did see that she had the same problem I had- when do you ask for help and when do you willingly accept it- two entirely different issues. She had a mentor/friend in Anthony- I had a mentor friend in Ann. She lived in New England when trying to find her tribe, I found my tribe after leaving New England on the shores of the calarts swimming pool. She did Dresden Dolls, I did Orgasm Pi. The bands were fearless, similar, and in many ways Dada-ist Cabaret with a dash of social commentary and punk fusion. She writes blogs, as do I. I create animations and voice projects, she inspires the same. Unlike Amanda, I hadn't luckily found the right people when I need them- I had to actively SEARCH for these people. But we both chatted on Patreon about this issue. Her team is brilliant. Her attitude is brilliant. (and girl, I know hormone hell, o hello I do.) (And Jamy Ian Swiss is also a friend, who I learned AFTER reading the book- assisted her in editing and working out kinks of the wordsmithing.)The great thing about Amanda is that she actively lives a Why Not Life. I intentionally removed the Y from my name- and became a Y-not life. In her book, you feel connected and understand that she is connecting with people on a level that allows her the freedom to open her hand and share- whether it be a flower, or a song. She shares. She shares showing us that sharing is a reciprocity game. It's not unconditional, such as the love of her family- it's very conditional, and very much a matter of mutual respect. Artist and Patron. Patron and Artist- equals and forever in a back and forth of sharing. In her sharing she builds connections, relationships, partnerships. Her audience is more than an audience- it's a mutual respect society. And in a society, the norms are determined together. This is why the book, The Art of Asking, is so much more than just a memoir of a TED talk. It's a realistic look at what art means to audiences as well as how it behaves in the minds of artists.
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